Living in the 21st Century
by taxc
Summary: The day started plainly enough with him playing chess with Alois followed by a tour but all of the sudden Lau's mystically Chinese vase gets smashed to pieces and he finds himself in a year where demons are models, gayness is allowed and why does every girl own a pair of Alois's booty shorts! Will the two young Earls survive the madness that is 2013? Read to find out! AloisXCiel
1. Here we go

New story! I wrote this because I wanted something fun and light since my other story was too serious for my liking right now and I've been thinking a lot of dark thoughts from to much heavy drum music. Gore all around my head. Anyway, this story isn't meant to be taken too serious, it's basically a crack fic? I think? You decide.

AloisXCiel (my favorite pair!), SebastianXClaude and very,very slight WillXGrell. The pairings will be more obvious in future chapters

Disclamier: You know, yeah.

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"Ciel! I'm bored!" The blonde haired, blue eyed boy name Alois Trancy wailed as he glanced at dark haired 13 year old Phantomhive Earl with his feet propped at the chair's headrest and his head dangling off the seat cushion. Ciel wished he'd slip and smash that thick skull of his. He grinned evilly at the thought. Yes, that would be lovely.

"As I recall, you were the one who barged in here and demanded we play a game." Ciel responded his business voice while taking a sip from his highly over priced tea cup and even more overpriced plant parts (tea leaves).

"But I didn't expect us to be playing chess! Honestly! For a toy maker you aren't very fun." Alois said as he sat upright and pouted. His arms were crossed over his chest.

"Well since I'm out of sweets and Sebastian is nowhere to be seen, how about a tour?"

"Yes! A tour! I would love that!" Alois clapped his hands in excitement. God, for a 14 year old he still acted like a child.

The two left the room side by side with Alois standing to close for Ciel's liking but he decided against voicing his discomfort for he wasn't the mood to listen to another round of the brat's whining.

Ciel was pointing to the different artefacts around the house and explaining their origin when Alois skipped ahead and began to awe over a ridiculously intricate looking vase.

"What about this one?"

"What! You weren't even listening to me?! And I was talking about the plight of the English men and how this painting depicts it clearly and -"

"Yes, yes that is all very important *cough* not *cough*. Now! What about this vase!" Alois squealed as he began to circle the piece of work excitedly.

"Figures you'd be attracted to the one with no history whatsoever. That useless thing was given by Lau as a Christmas present. He claimed it was made by some ancient God and therefore it supposedly has some sort of mystic power but to me it is nothing but a nuisance taking up space in my mansion."

"Is that so? Then can I have it!" Alois asked as he grabbed the vase from its display case and hugged it tightly.

"WHAT?! Absolutely not!"

"Ehh?! But why?! You don't even want it! Now stop being such a greedy bastard and give it to me!"

"What right do you have for calling me a bastard you man-slut!"

The temperature in the room dropped rapidly as a strange aura surrounded Alois.

"...You don't have to be so cruel..." Alois muttered as he sunk to his knees with his head bowed. He raised a hand to wipe the tears away before sniffing. "..It's not I mean to be...slutty...but...w—when I was 12...I...I..." He never got to finish his sentence for he began to hiccup violently. He bit his fist in order to control himself but it was no use, the hiccups got louder and he couldn't stop crying.

Ciel sighed as he ran his fingers through his hair. Yes, he had previous thoughts of wanting the blonde to get hurt he didn't want him to be the cause of that hurt. He may be manipulative and deceiving but he wasn't entirely heartless and that little voice in his head refused to leave him alone until he did something about the situation. Damn conscience.

"Look, Alois. I'm sorry." Ciel said slowly as he knelt down beside him and gently titled Alois's face upward, wiping the tears away with his handkerchief. "I didn't mean say those things. You're not a man-slut just misunderstood and as an apology, I will let you have the vase."

Alois eyes immediately sparkled. "Really? *sniff**sniff* you mean it?"

"Yes." Ciel replied forcing on a fake smile as he raised his hand to pat the blonde on the head. "You can have it."

"You're not only a bastard but a sucker as well."

"Wait, wh-?"

Before he had a chance to say something, Alois was already up on his feet and making a mad dash away from the still shell-shocked Earl, crackling like a mad man all the way. When the words finally sunk in, Ciel growled. That it! That was the last time he showed kindness to that damn brat! He quickly got up and chase after him leading to the two running away the same strip of hallway over and over again like a bunch of idiots.

"Give it back!" Ciel shouted at the top his lungs, hissing when he failed to grab the brat's coat by an inch.

"Never! It's mine! You said so yourself! You can't take a present back!" Alois laughed as if he was playing the best game ever and in his twisted little mind, he probably was.

"Yes I can! It's my house, my rules!"

"Yeah well I have the vase so you don't make the-ahhh!" Alois screamed as he tripped over nothing, the vase flew through the air before it broke into pieces a few feet away from him.

"Now look at what you have done! You wrecked it!"

"Are you alright Alois? 'Yes, I am thank you for asking Ciel.' That is how you are supposed to treat a guest! Phantomhive hospitality my arse! I've receive better service from a zoo!"

"Then maybe you should go back to the zoo seeing as you act like a wild creature!"

"Me? Weren't you the one who was apologizing for his foul mouth?!"

"And I regret to my very core! I have had enough of you and your foolishness! Sebastian! Sebastian damn it! I order you to come to me at once and throw this nuisance out of my house!"

"Sebastian this, Sebastian that! What are you?! A baby who can't stand on your own? If you were a real Earl, you would be able to kick me out by yourself without help from your precious butler!"

"Very well! If that is what you desire then I shall gladly fulfil your request!"

"I'd like to see you try and -Ciel...the vase." Alois's face paled considerably as he pointed to the broken remains of the once a fine creation.

"Oh no! I'm not fooling for your trickery! I -"

"Will you shut up and look!" Alois grabbed Ciel and forced him to look at the vase which seemed to be glowing brighter and brighter.

"What have you done?!" Ciel wailed. His voice heavy with fear and his face etched with worry.

"Me?! I didn't do anything! Wait! What are we doing standing here?! We have to run!"

"Wa-Unhand me at once!"

Ciel protested. His face was a deep shade of vermillion since Alois quickly picked him up bridal style and began to run as fast as he could away from the glowing light that was now taking up half of the room.

"I'm obviously more physically fit than you so shut up and tell me if the light is close!"

Ciel growled and did as he was told, he then found himself cursing the way no noble man should. "Holy Gordon Bennett! It's really close! Can't you run any faster?!" Ciel began to pull on the Trancy's hair as if they were reins, temporarily forgetting (or not) that Alois Trancy was a 14 year old boy, not a horse.

"Bloody hell! Let go if my hair! You're destroying their natural shine!"

"Natural shine?! You expect to believe you hair is naturally this perfect?"

Ciel immediately slapped a hand over his mouth. His cheeks flushed from his confession. Alois came to a screeching halt.

"You think my hair is perfect?" Alois asked, genuinely surprised.

"I...uhh...wait! You plonker! Why did you stop running?!" Ciel wacked him on the head and Alois immediately took off like a shot but it was too late. The damage has been done and before they knew it, they were already being sucked up by the light until the only thing left was the shattered pieces and the echo of their screams.

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Meanwhile down the hall

"Claude, did you hear that?" Sebastian asked the other butler as he paused.

"It was probably just your cats, nothing to worry about." Claude replied while adjusting his glasses.

Sebastian smiled as he resumed pushing the cart full of pastries. "Yes your right. Though I hope the young master doesn't find my precious kittens. The thought of sending them away just pains my heart."

"Funny, I don't recall demons having a heart."

Claude smirked causing Sebastian to laugh heartily. "Yes, that's right! I almost forgot! Silly me for thinking I am human! That was nice joke you made Claude, very much your style."

Claude merely nodded and the pair of demon butlers walked quietly to their masters current location, unaware that their masters were already long gone.

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Okay, so first the whole Alois and Ciel sharing a body did not happen yet meaning Ciel doesn't know about Alois's past. The hallway I'm talking about is the one in the manga where Agni was outside the window and Sebastian kept closing the curtains hurriedly so that none of Ciel's guest would see him and oh yeah! Sebastian and Claude are on civil terms because I want them to be.

So that's it for the first chapter! Review for more random weirdness!


	2. Crazy women, sexy finale

New chapter! After one day which is a new record for me! :)

Disclaimer: Oh, you know, the usual

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The only thing Ciel could hear for a long time was the sound of his terror filled scream as he continued to fall through what seemed like an endless oblivion and then he saw a flash of what looked like a concrete wall before he fell to the ground. To his utter delight and relief, the impact didn't hurt at all.

"That wasn't too bad."

"Yeah! For you! Get the bloody hell off me! You are way heavier than those cakes you keep scarfing down!"

Alois growled as he roughly jerked his body causing Ciel to land on the dirty floor. The Trancy Earl stood up and began to brush the dust from his clothes furiously.

"And to think! These just arrived yesterday!"

"What difference does it make seeing as you wear the same thing every day?" Ciel said with a huge smirk on his face.

"At least I have a better sense of style! The only reason you look your age is because of those ribbons you keep wearing."

"You mean wear those short shorts you insist on wearing? No thank you, I have a sense of decency."

"Just admit your jealous of my physical exterior, Mr. I think I am the best."

"First of all, I too am physically blessed so I really don't care about that. Second, I am the best because I am better than all the twits I am forced to work with!"

"Being ego centric is not a very attractive characteristic Phantomhive." Alois tutted, waving a finger teasingly.

"The hell I care! I don't need to busy myself searching for a mate. That has already been pre-arranged."

"Indeed, I pity Lady Elizabeth."

"And I am finished wasting time with you and this conversation. Now, if you excuse me, I am going to find a carriage and go home. Unlike you, I am a very busy person hence my time is very precious."

He walked away from the blonde with the pride possessed only by a Phantomhive Earl. He was about to cross the street when an insufferable headache inducing sound caused him to jerk backward in reflex.

"Hey asshole! Are you fucking blind? It's a green light douche bag!"

"I beg your pardon?! How dare you address me with such profanity! I am the Earl Ciel Phantomhive!"

"Yeah? And I am the President of the United States! Get off the damn street, dumbass!"

"Now you listen to me! I come from a long list of English Noble man and -"

"Give it a rest, Ciel. He is long gone."

"Hmph. Well when I see him again, I am going to give him a piece of my mind. Who does he think he is talking to me in such a manner? He is obviously a tourist and did you see the carriage he was riding? There was no horse! How utterly barbaric!"

"I suppose so...hey Ciel, what is a douche bag? Is it a new trunk label?" Alois asked thoughtfully, cocking his head to the side.

"How should I know, I only speak refined words." Ciel huffed as he fixed his coat with a quick jerk and began to walk off again. Though he didn't that far for people, mostly young girls and women, began to whisper excitedly as he passed by. Alois jogged up to him and tapped his on his shoulder.

"Umm...Ciel...don't you feel like something isn't right? I mean do you see their clothes? I have never seen that kind of fashion back in England." Alois whispered, bending down slightly due to the height difference.

"Maybe it is a new trend, whatever the case I don't care. I have Nina to handle my clothing for me."

"Excuse me?" The two Earls stopped and turned to see a girl who was in her late twenties. "When you said Nina, did you mean Nina Hopkins?"

"Yes and why would you -"

"OH MY GOD! IT'S THE NEW NINA HOPKINS COLLECTION!"

"What?!" Ciel screamed as the group of girls began to run towards him at lightning speed. He soon found himself in the middle without a place to go and with a group of strangers squealing at an impossibly high octave.

"Hey! What are you doing?! Unhand me at once! Don't you dare rip my coat! Get your filthy hands off my shirt! It is made from the highest quality silk and it cost more than you make in a life time!"

He continued to scream them but it was no use, the rabid women refused to release him from their vicious hold. He craned his neck to the side to find Alois surrounded as well although his was for a different reason.

"Will you stop squeezing my bum?! Why are your hands going up my thigh and ahhhh! How dare you touch me there! As if I would ever interest myself in women like you! Have some self control! This is child molestation!"

Ciel let out a low growl and thought hard. There must be away out of this ridiculous situation but before he could think of an escape plan, he heard Alois shout in his loudest voice.

"Look over there! There is a..umm...an Abercrombie and Fitch pictorial!"

"Where?!" The crazy girls all unhanded him and began to make a mad dash for whatever direction he had pointed. He had no time to whine about the pain when they unceremoniously dropped him to the ground and he didn't give Ciel time to whine either for he quickly grabbed the Earl's hand and dragged the boy away as fast as he could before those mad women came back to touch him even more. He shuddered at the thought. God, that was horrible! They were worst than that perverted Former Trancy Earl!

Once they had managed to hide in a dark alley, he let go of Ciel's hand and began to pant heavily. He may have been used to running at some point in his life but there was only so much a young boy like himself could take. He was already exhausted and he hadn't even had his lunch yet. He then wiped the droplets of sweat off his forehead before he turned to Ciel who seemed like he still hadn't managed to catch his breath.

"Ciel are you alright?" Alois asked with concern as he moved forward and placed a comforting hand on the Earl's shoulder. He took out his handkerchief and began to gently wipe the sweat dripping down Ciel's face.

Ciel on the other hand was too tired to brush him away even though he was very embarrassed by Alois's actions. At least his cheeks were already flushed from all that running so he didn't have to worry about that.

"I fine. I was never an athletic child. What is Abercrombie and Fitch?"

"I haven't a clue what it is, it was the first shop sign I spotted and well since we are in town how about we have some lunch? I don't know about you but I am famished."

Alois smiled and began to rummage in his coat for his wallet but was surprised to find what felt like hard thin plastic. He pulled it out and stared at it in shock. He didn't remember ever getting this. What was it anyway?

"Ciel, have you ever heard of "Mastercard"? Is that a new club? I don't recall entering such a club."

"What are you going on about?" Ciel asked, slightly annoyed. "Hmm... can't say I have. Never mind, lunch will be my treat."

"Really? Yay! Thank you Ciel!" Alois screamed in delight as he pulled the gloomy boy into a hug.

"Ah! Let me go!" Ciel began squirm as he pushed the blonde's head farther away from him which happened to be resting a little too close to his face.

The blonde planted a quick kiss on his cheek before tugging him along. Ciel couldn't help but let face redden considerably as he placed a hand on the spot that was still warm from the physical contact. He bowed his head and followed along quietly, afraid his voice might crack if he talked.

They made a couple of turns and Ciel was secretly impressed Alois didn't get loss that was until Alois suddenly stopped making Ciel collided with his back in a slight "oof".

"Why did you stop without telling me?"

"Umm...Ciel..I think I know what Abercrombie and Fitch is.."

Ciel gave Alois a questioning look as to why the Trancy was blushing madly but he found himself with the same reaction when his eyes met the scene. For there, on a huge billboard was no other than the two demon butlers Sebastian Michealis and Claude Faustus posing on a beach deck wearing very, very low cut denim jeans, shirtless.

"WHAT THE HELL?!"

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So we all know that the models in Abercrombie and Fitch are all tan but hey Sebastian and Claude are as sexy as hell and it is a fanfiction besides if those two were real then Abercrombie and Fitch would be crazy not to hire them cuz those butlers are damn smexy!

Review please! :)


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